Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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