well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
