This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
