Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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