2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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