What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
