I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
