whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
