i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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