just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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