he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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