:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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