Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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