We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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