Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
