You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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