So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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