Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ruined the universe
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
