We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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