I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm like, not good at living.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
