Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize