can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
