do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
