We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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