Say something about gay babies.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
