No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
