I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
