hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
