Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
