Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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