Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize