I got her a Nickelback box set.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
