I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
