We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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