It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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