I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
