i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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