All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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