I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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