Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
