I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
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