did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
