I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
