hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
