Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
where does the pee come out of this thing
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
