Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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