Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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