if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
