this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
