Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
