Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
His nipple licking is glorious
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