I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
