Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Randomize
