he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
