He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
