I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
