the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The air taste purple.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
