ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My hand turned me down
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
