if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
