I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
