I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How does it feel to date your dad?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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