As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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