I cannot find my penis.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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