my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
