Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I look better un-naked...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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