do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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