Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
