i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
