you turned your livingroom into a bong?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
