i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
