When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
