So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
