I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
