Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner