Texts From Last Night

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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...

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  (902): I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL... http://tfl.nu/s81g
  Replies (25) Good night (756) Bad night (9586)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex

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  (864): bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex http://tfl.nu/q1ec
  Replies (52) Good night (1508) Bad night (7099)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

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  (239): they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application http://tfl.nu/aq16
  Replies (7) Good night (3635) Bad night (891)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3417) Bad night (5216)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...

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  (406): He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well... http://tfl.nu/dwtt
  Replies (16) Good night (1314) Bad night (3137)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.

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  (803): I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something. http://tfl.nu/acd6
  Replies (4) Good night (1492) Bad night (795)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.

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  (570): I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/odgi
  Replies (5) Good night (1245) Bad night (455)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...

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  (313): Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door... http://tfl.nu/qt3a
  Replies (19) Good night (699) Bad night (1961)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!

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  (804): Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body! http://tfl.nu/7w2d
  Replies (4) Good night (1160) Bad night (589)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers

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  (678): im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers http://tfl.nu/b3az
  Replies (10) Good night (1609) Bad night (462)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.

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  (202): You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole. http://tfl.nu/s7os
  Replies (2) Good night (887) Bad night (451)
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  (626): View more from California

  AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN

  (1-626): View more from California

  we're fated to lesbian

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  (626): AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN (1-626): we're fated to lesbian http://tfl.nu/bohp
  Replies (5) Good night (1223) Bad night (594)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?

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  (410): Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole? http://tfl.nu/dt20
  Replies (5) Good night (929) Bad night (521)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.

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  (248): Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this. http://tfl.nu/ma81
  Replies (5) Good night (667) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.

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  (425): Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink. http://tfl.nu/8c1k
  Replies (2) Good night (508) Bad night (135)

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