If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.