Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.