just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?