i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
